Tension, Stress and Release!

LISTEN TO DESTINY'S CHILD HAPPY FACE

(this blog is more about revision and relaxing)

So, we all have stress in life- whether it's school, work, kids, bills or simply figuring out what to wear!
And, along with the stress should come release, but this comes easier to some than others. If you are one of these people you may find it hard to 'let go' and relax without rushing to do housework or studying (weirdos!)

We all need to find a good balance between work and play (so maybe its not Lego and Mario cart but you get the idea!)
Without work, we wouldn't get anywhere and without play we would become mindless, exhausted robots.
So, find your balance! Take some time for yourself, give yourself manageable goals and stick to them..give yourself small treats while working as a break and to keep you motivated!

• your brain can obtain more if you give yourself a break every 30 mins at the max as it allows the brain to store the information from Short term memory (STM) into Long term memory (LTM) so try to rest (read a book, watch telly, have a snack, chat on the phone) for 10 mins between each 'work' section
• your brain is stimulated by colour and images..keep this in mind when revising!
• your sub-conscious mind can pick up information from your surrounding without you knowing it, so posters and diagrams on your wall are good ideas!
• finding a recording or even recording yourself saying the pieces of information you need to learn is also great for memory, try the audio clips on Bitesize, or record your own voice on your mobile

10 tips to keep your balance and revise effectively

1.  make yourself a rota/planner organising your time, but make sure there are rest breaks and that if you are studying that you change subject after 30 mins 
2. If you work better in groups, organise for a bunch of friends to meet up and study/work together even if its not the same subject, having friends can help to motivate you just as long as you don't get distracted (if you think this may happen, why not meet at a library or something?)
3. Try using colours and pictures to stimulate your brain, a mind map of key bits of information stuck on the kitchen fridge or bedroom wall?
4. how about a walk in between sessions? the fresh air will refresh and revitalise you!
5. eating and drinking the right stuff is key to working, keep your body full of fresh foods, carbohydrates that release energy slowly (pasta, rice, potatoes) and cut down on the quick fixes (i.e coffee, sugary sweets and red bull!!)
6. get your rest. how hard is it? we all love sleep and so do our bodies! our bodies do most of our growing while we sleep, we also build, repair and refuel in our sleep so it is vital to make sure you are getting enough sleep. Sleeping is a good time for our brain to process information from the day, so get your sleep!
7. keep tidy, we lose concentration when we are in a mess, so before you revise spend 15 minutes tidying the place where you will be working (or sit somewhere clear like a kitchen table)
8. find your 'me time'  basically, choose something you love doing that helps you to relax and enjoy yourself (having a hot bath reading a good book, baking, going for a walk, chilling out with a good tune)
9. try not to spend too much time indoors, the fresh air and space will help you to let go, and feel replenished! try a new route to school/college/work or even exploring a part of your town you've never been to before!
10. write a list of 10 things you want to achieve. 5 things in the near future, and 5 for a longer time span..look back when they've all pulled through and feel the sense of achievement!

Good luck and God bless xx

What's your security code?

Relax! I'm not asking for your PIN number, let me explain..
(I will hopefully be bringing this to youth group soon, so Elisha and Abbie please keep it to yourselves and when I (hopefully) do it, please join in!

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So I was listening to the radio the other night and there was a programme on it called 'something explained'
the topic for discussion was 'security and safety' (not as in wearing a helmet and not putting your hands in hot water) but more in the sense of our emotional safety. whether we rely on our relationships to give us our sense of security, or maybe material things, places (like your bedroom or a special spot in the country) or something within ourselves.

Now, its pretty difficult to say " I don't need any of that to make me feel secure" because believe me: without strong relationships, our mobile/laptop and our bed, I think we would all feel a bit lonely.

so I have devised a few activities to help us find our 'safety jacket'  most of these are done in groups

how safe? (relationships)

Read out following scenarios:

School/work is going well you have lots of good friends a few close friends that you hang out with at break and lunch, you are healthy and happy with your life, and your home is comfortable.

How safe do you feel?close your eyes and choose, then move so you aren't influenced by each other

you are starting to struggle at school because home life isn't going so well, you have also just had an argument with your closest friends

How safe do you feel?close your eyes and choose, then move so you aren't influenced by each other

now you are coming down with the flu, you are achy, sniffy, and don't have a lot of energy but you are still having to go to school/work. Your friends are still angry with you.

How safe do you feel?close your eyes and choose, then move so you aren't influenced by each other

now your parents have decided that they want to take your other siblings on holiday and leave you at home for 5 days. You will be staying with one of your mums friends that you don't know very well. Your friends have made up with you but it is still a bit awkward.

How safe do you feel?close your eyes and choose, then move so you aren't influenced by each other

everything is fine now. Your parents have decided to take you with them, and your friends have invited you for a day trip to make up. You are back to your healthy happy self, at last.

How safe do you feel?close your eyes and choose, then move so you aren't influenced by each other

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Is it inside? (within yourself)

Sit in a circle really tight, tell the person on your left 3 positive compliments. are you okay?

Now turn round a space out a everyone whisper a nursery rhyme. Feeling okay?

Now space right out. Turn lights of and sit in silence. How do you feel?

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Are you safe with trust?

Write down 1-6

at each step, write down a number between 1-10 on how safe you feel

1 = really unsafe

10 = absolutely fine with the situation

1. write down a secret or something you don't want anyone to know. (rate from 1-10)
2. Write your name on the back. (rate from 1-10)
3. Give it to me. (rate from 1-10)
4. I hand them out randomly. (rate from 1-10)
5. hand them back to each other. (rate from 1-10)
6. rip/shred them up. (rate from 1-10)

 discuss each step

Disconnected

Each write a text but no need to send!

Now if you can, write an updated status on Facebook.

Take a picture of something or yourself.

Find 3 things you love having in your bag. (probably more applicable for girls)

Pick your favourite item of clothing that you are wearing.

Estimate how much money you actually have on you.

Now go through each step, and imagine having that thing taken away.

hand over your phones, hoodies/jackets, the items from your bag, purse, and any jewellery.

Try and now imagine that I am never going to give you those things back. Does it bother you at all?

Or would you be happy never to see them again?

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Be honest..it's a bit difficult to contemplate..isn't it?

well in the Bible, it mentions a few of these security methods..here's 2

Proverbs 18:10   (this one is about places of refuge)

God's name is a place of protection—
good people can run there and be safe.

Philippians 4:19   (objects)

And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

I believe that we should all try and find our own security in God. It is so easy to rely on things that are in this world to 'be' those things for us, but when all is said and done, God will be the one deciding our fate. God is the only One who can actually change our situation and don't think it's a good idea to be pals with The man who ultimatly controls your fate?

We arent forced to do anything, but however 'safe' we feel with the things we own, if all of them are stripped away, what are you left with? An empty room and an empty heart? or a strong and steady relationship with God?

I have a particular understanding and sympathy with trying to find someone/or some people who can play certain roles we feel we lack. I personaly love the idea of a councellor or psychiatrist who can somehow magically zap away any bad memories, feelings or dissapointments, someone who will tell me what I am feeling and why I am feeling that way, and what it means as well. But truth be told, its not possible! councellors and psychiatrists are great, but without God, I will never be content and fully secure.

God can be our everything.
He can be our Father, our councellor, our healer, our friend, our lover (not as weird as it sounds!) and our saviour. please accept God to be your everything, it may take a while, trust me - I'm still trying to get it right, but it will be so worth it when we do!

Well! that was a long one! Love you xx

Contemplation and Realisation ♥

Well..I haven't done this for a while!

It hit me today, that we rush on with our lives, and hardly stop to sit back and look back on the incredible things we've done...either that or we do it too often and stop living!

So here's what I'm proposing...

This new year, I'm going to really start to live properly (eek!) this blog has helped me heaps- to get my feeling onto paper (not quite but you know what I mean!) and figure out my mixed up feelings..
so even if no-one reads this, its a lesson for me anyway!

A few things i am going to TRY and do..

• grow my hair!!
• be a better listener...its all fine and dandy to listen, but to actually be able to empathise and figure out whats needed
• Make time for my friends...
• Organise my time properly
• show people my real personality and if they don't like it. meh.
• maybe find my faith again?

well we can only hope...and eat cake and stuff  (teehee)

so why don't you write yourself a letter for the year, and really say what you want to get out of this year..because to be honest with you, LIFE is just a series of days, hours and minutes and if you don't do the things you want in those days, hours, and minutes..when are you going to ever do them?

so. this year. make it worth living. choose your own life. be true to yourself and have a laugh! why not?!?!

Bless you all and have a fab NEW YEAR!!!!!!!  Xx

Family Life

Family can be difficult sometimes, but ultimately there the best thing going. family should always be there when you need them and sometimes we just need to know the right way of dealing with them! the first thing we need to remember is that no-one is perfect-everyone makes mistakes and sometimes its just not worth holding a grudge. Family are your family no matter what you do which is kinda what makes them so great!

whether you have a good relationship with your family or not, there are a few things that are key to keeping it or making it stronger
- forgiveness, without it no one can move on and try to do better
- communication, if you don't talk about stuff hows anything going to be achieved?
- honesty, they are your family lying just makes it worse and harder to move on
- teamwork! being part of a family is being part of a team, you work together and it works a lot better
- love, its what makes everything worth it

okay so no-one is going to have all of these handed over to them on a silver platter, it takes time and effort but the final outcome is incredible! when you start bringing these factors into family life, it becomes so much easier to be with each other and deal with any issues that come up.
also, no one is going to have the 'happy family' picture perfect family all the time and that's where the forgiveness kicks in, we have to learn that our expectations of what family 'should be' aren't very realistic sometimes and remember that everyone is only human and is prone to making mistakes.

10 tips for improving family life!

1. if your feeling angry or upset, take some time to cool off so that when you confront the issue, you have a calm and collected attitude instead of hot firing
2. if you've done something wrong, fess up! there is no point lying..they're your family!
3. you got a different idea? speak up! your opinion counts, but don't be harsh with how you put it
4. conflict between family members? approach with caution and suggest going elsewhere (separately) for half an hour and coming back to discuss it a bit later?
5. why not try a 'teambuilding' activity? board games, cooking, a walk somewhere, being together is what counts
6. live away from home? send a letter home with separate bits for each member, they'll appreciate the personal touch
7. make an effort to spend time with each member individually, you can go do something or just chat but its worth the effort
8. as a family, choose an activity for everyone to do, then get each person to have a specific 'job' or 'role' during the activity chosen
9. in the morning, everyone decide on 1 rule for each member of the family that they must follow throughout all of the day -it will be a laugh and a chance to tactfully get some things done! (i.e no sarcasm, no stupid jokes, no negative comments)
10. try not to alienate who your family is, subtle changes are good-not everyone is good at handling new ideas so take it easy!

hope all goes well xx

A.R.K's (acts of random kindness)

hiya guys...

I think that a.r.k's are such a lovely idea, and if we all took part the world would be such a lovely place! Okay, so maybe world kindness is a bit adventurous but just a few of us doing it will make a big difference to the people we work/live with...so let me first explain what on earth I am talking about!
A.r.k's are little things you can do for another person without them knowing its you...for example I used to bake cakes leave them on my teachers desk with a note (a bit lame I know!) but its a great feeling to know you've helped someone else or blessed them somehow...it can be anything so use your imagination!

Ever had something lovely randomly happen to you? isn't it the best feeling? someone wise once said "happiness is a perfume you cant pour on other people without getting a few drops on yourself" this co insides beautifully with the objective of doing a.r.k's...whether its leaving a note on someones desk, or tidying up your partner's 'stuff' while they're out ,its all kindness, but the point of a.r.k's is that they are done without the person knowing who did it. You may be familiar with a.r.k's from the movie 'Evan Almighty' (if you haven't watched it, you should!)

so why should we do them? I think a.r.k's are a practical way of teaching us a lesson we should all be familiar with. generosity. whether its our time, a task, or a gift of some sorts, generosity is simply one person giving something to someone else. to be generous is to be liberal with what we give and not being stingy, so when you think up what you're a.r.k will be, try and give something 'generously' to show you've actually thought about it and your kindness will shine through! what can you give this week?

10 ideas for A.r.k's for friends/collegues/family

1. make them a cup of tea and leave it where they will be working/relaxing
2. someone mentioned something they'd love? pick up on what people are saying, they may give you some ideas
3. duties like washing up or putting the kids to bed? give them a break and do it before they get the chance
4. write a little card/note and leave it somewhere they are sure to see
5. do they have a faverourite meal? maybe you could make it for them!
6. have you promised to do something and never got round to it? late is better than never!
7. they feeling low? burn them a cd of all their favourite happy songs
8. its getting colder now...(this is for family) you could put a hot water bottle at the end of their mattress under the duvet-warm feet are so nice in winter!
9. collegue struggling? maybe you coul help them out with whatever it is their struggling with-a list of tips is always helpful
10. (friends and family) get everyone to write down 3 reasons why the person is great and leave it somewhere they will see it

Hope this helps! xx

Are you scared of the silence?

Hi everyone..bit of a random title right? when I say 'scared' I'm not saying we have a phobia or anything, its  more in the sense that we tend to avoid it if we can. we often associate silence with awkwardness or uncomfortable feelings, but silence is simply the absence of noise! okay...well think about it, wherever you are right now, reading this...how many sounds can you hear? cars going past? music? computer whirring? children/siblings/partner doing other stuff...try and remember the last time it was completely silent. when you couldn't hear anything but your own breathing. no clocks. difficult? let me explain my point.

dictionary definition of silence

silence

noun

1. absence of any sound or noise; stillness.

2. the state or fact of being silent; muteness.

3. absence or omission of mention, comment, or expressed concern

if silence is all about stillness and quiet, how come its so difficult to find?! lets look at another definition..

relaxing–verb (used without object)

6. to become less tense, rigid, or firm.

7. to become less strict or severe; grow milder.

8. to reduce or stop work, effort, application, etc., esp. for the sake of rest or recreation.

9. to release oneself from inhibition, worry, tension, etc.

this sounds pretty good right?

It says 'stop work' aka be still...

It says release from inhibition aka to stop doing something

It says to become less tense/rigid aka to be calm

get the idea?

I believe that if we all took some 'time out' in silence just reminiscing and just spending a bit of time with yourself and your own thoughts, that we would be a lot less stressed out and become more relaxed.
I don't know about you, but my 'time out' is sitting in my room, on my bed with some music on or watching a movie or facebooking. not so quiet eh? well, with all the conveniences we are so blessed with, silence just isn't the norm anymore, we fill up our days with noise, busying ourselves with all the things we 'have' to do.

maybe we could all do a bit of a mission, a challenge with ourselves to overcome our 'fear of silence' take out a couple of hours this week and just sit/lie in silence for a bit, leaving yourselves with our own thoughts and just relaxing, 'letting go' of all the 'stuff' in our busy lives, and see how we feel after? I challenge you to 'fight the fear of silence'

hope all goes well! xx

10 tips to becoming less 'afraid' of silence and more relaxed

1. find somewhere you can 'escape' to and go there when you feel overwhelmed
2. write a blog/diary
3. when your feeling particularly stressed, don't do more stuff to try and work it our, write a list of all the things you have to do and work it through one by one
4. if you drive/walk to your work, turn off your music or the radio and just drive/walk in the quiet
5. learn a slow breathing exercise and go through it at least twice a day-it will calm you and help you to think straight as it will increase the level of oxygen to your brain
6. do some shoulder rolls (rolling them round in circular motions up to a hunching motion and then all the way round till normal position) this will loosen you up and stop you being so tense
7. open some windows and enjoy the fresh air!
8. in your break, go for a walk on your own or with a friend and just enjoy the quiet
9. get enough sleep! lack of sleep is a major cause of stress
10. drink plenty, dehydration will leave you feeling tired and unfocused

Guys!

Okay...this is a tricky one!
Some of you will have boyfriends/husbands/partners etc but you might be single at the moment...you may have decided when you want to start dating or if you'll stay single for ever, or you may just be waiting for Mr.Perfect to come along! BUT either way, I bet you've all met that guy who you really like..hes sweet or funny or cheeky and you have a major 'thing' for him! Guys are very complicated..and unfortunately they do mature a lot slower than us girls and so have a tendency to be silly and immature even when they grow up!

I'm not going to try and separate guys into categories because its kind of stereotypical and may not be true...but I'm sure you can think of some! Guys, just like Girls need certain types of things..but all guys are different and the sooner you can figure out what he needs and likes, the more likely you are to get on better and connect better as well. I learnt from a good friend of mine that everybody has their own 'love language' don't worry its not as weird as it sounds! here are a few examples..

Quality time:  these people like to have one-to-one conversations and aren't as keen on being in big groups
Giving: these people like to buy gifts/presents for others to show their love
Doing: these people like to give their time to show love and like to do jobs/chores for others to help them
Affirmation: these people like to compliment/encourage others through words to show love

All these love languages are how people show their love towards other people, but its also how they like to be loved back..if they don't receive this then they can feel cheated or unloved..even if you don't mean it!

10 ways to figure out your guy (this applies to people who aren't single! I'll do another one for singles!)

1. try out each language and see which he responds to best
2. look back on the things your guy has done for you in the past...which language do they correspond to best?
3. have a chat to your guy and you can grow on your communications skills at the same time!
4. spend some time together just you and him, but also hang out with groups of couples or friends, he'll notice the freedom and you'll benefit from the quality time too!
5. write each other a questionnaire about yourself, get each other to answer them and see how well you know each other!
6. hand him the remote for once...maybe let him choose some things? (meals/places to go/dates) he'll appreciate the responsibility
7. ask him what his favourite qualities in a partner but nothing negative!
8. once you've worked out his love language, try and think of some ways to show him you love him through his language..he'll love it!
9. maybe you could organise him a lads night and go out for the evening with some of your friends
10. haven't seen him for a while? you could organise a 'date' and do something you both love...together!

10 things for single girls to do (if your not looking for a partner you can just use this to get good guy mates)

1. be yourself, guys DO NOT like girls who are fake or pretend to be somehting they're not
2. chill out! just have a laugh and be fun to be around!
3. give him some space...guys arent so keen on clingy girls
4.  be natural...maybe ease up on the foundation bucket and tone down the orange cheeks..natural beauty is the best of all!
5. be interested and interesting, pay attention when he's talking..ask him questions-it will show him you actually care! also dont just tell him the same things all the time, talk about things that are interesting and not just what you ate for tea last night!
6. be confident..easier said than done but guys definatly prefer girls who are confident in their body AND in who they are
7. dont be over-excitable...this may scare them off!!
8. dont be too serious..haha its a tricky game to juggle
9. you can also use the love languages..just because your not 'in love' doesnt mean you dont love each other as mates right?
10. BE YOURSELF!!!! (again)